So how to survive a divorce? Questions relating to the institution of marriage and family are a priori the most painful and controversial. Millions of couples annually get married and after a short time divorce. The reasons for parting are varied (from cheating to changing the image of the ideal of a partner) and depend on the level of internal organization of individuals who have once decided to create a family union.
Some families after reunification are reunited because of the awareness of the absurdity of the reasons that served as a break in relations. Other former spouses continue to communicate for the sake of children left after marriage, others – prefer not to meet again. But in any case, everyone agrees that the procedure for divorce is associated with a large expenditure of nervous resources.
Three basic dilemmas of the reasons for divorce are identified. They are the next:
- I want a divorce, but I’m not sure about the correctness of this decision. This will affect children, day-to-day life and material well-being. Besides, I doubt that I know how to survive the separation. This is a big decision to make. There are no guarantees that it is right. It is better to take it with a cold heart and a sober head.
- I do not want to divorce. This is the wish of my spouse. I do not know how to survive a divorce from the husband! You can position yourself as a victim of the circumstances and refuse to recognize the obvious. Consequently, there is a strong emotional desolation, and life changes right before your eyes, and you can do nothing about it. To solve this problem, you need to ask yourself whether you’re just clinging to your usual way of life, relationship based on illusions. This is a hard time admitting this.
- I want to get a divorce because our marriage is just a formality, it does not work properly.
This view means that you blame your spouse for any and all of the troubles, and he, most likely, does the same. You really must try to understand one simple thing: both partners are always to blame for the problems of the couple. If you do not get to the bottom of it and do not admit that each of you is guilty of your own faults, then the further steps will be filled with the bitterness of problems, scandals, and unnecessary quarrels.
A common feature of these three dilemmas is fear. In the first case that’s the fear of making a mistake. In the second – the fear of recognizing the presence of problems in the relationship and the need to survive to part with your beloved. In the third – the fear of sharing the responsibility for the challenges. Divorce must be a mutual and weighed decision. So how to survive a divorce emotionally? Let’s clear it out together.
Restraint of expression of emotions in representatives of the strong half of humankind has its reasons. All boys from birth in the family, kindergarten, school implicitly affirms that men do not cry. This statement firmly settled in the male subconscious and is reflected in the whole subsequent life, whether it’s going to the dentist or divorce from his wife.
It goes without saying that the spouses who have lived together for several years and had children, part harder and more dramatically. It depends not only on the destruction of the illusions that accompany the rupture of relations but also on the fact that the husband and wife have developed a habit of living together and dependence on each other in the process of living together.
There is an opinion that men live less than women precisely because they do not know how to show their experiences openly. There are several options for behavioral reactions of men to divorce with his wife:
Taciturnity and withdrawal into oneself. This reaction is the most dangerous for a man. It signals an acute internal experience, a lower level of self-esteem and a deep yearning for a departed woman;
Posturing. In this case, the behavior of a man becomes deliberately demonstrative and defiant. It would express the concept “Yes, it did not hurt me, and I don’t need you. I’ll find a dozen more like you and better. ” In fact, it is often impossible to implement such statements. This encourages the representatives of the stronger sex to tedious self-analysis and may entail aggravation of various addictions from alcoholism to drug addiction;
Denial of the decision of the second half about divorce and attempts to lead a habitual way of life. Usually, this behavior does not succeed, and the man is forced to reconcile himself to the real state of affairs. This can happen if the spouses have repeatedly argued, quarreled and threatened each other with a divorce in the past.
So, how to survive divorce at 40 and get out of it with the least consequences for the psyche?
First, do not artificially try to organize your personal life quickly. To ensure that the next attempt at family life will turn out to be successful, you need to survive the separation from your ex-wife.
Secondly, it is necessary to concentrate your forces and aspirations on goals that are not related to the relationship with the opposite sex. It can be career, fishing or cars – it does not matter, but the hobby should be really interesting to the man. How to survive divorce with a narcissist? Just try to live your life – not her.
Thirdly, in no case, you should not stop talking to children. There can be many women, but children are a bloody continuation of a man. Having decided to break all the connecting threads with a woman, you can make an irreparable mistake, depriving yourself of the future. The anger and resentment of the former companion of life will subside with time, and children can never forgive a disdainful attitude towards themselves.
And how to survive a divorce financially? It is best to discuss financial costs with your former spouse immediately. If your interests do not match, hire a good lawyer. You should not save on these things – you risk losing all your money if your affairs are dealt with by an amateur.
You can also check article about how to survive a break up to gain more information how to survive after divorce.