It hurts a lot if someone you immensely love cheats you. It can also be devastating and you tend to go through an emotional turmoil as it was completely unthinkable that your partner, who you thought was ‘the one’ for you, would lie to you and deceive you. The very first thought that comes to your mind is “Why did this happen to me? What made them cheat?
Though it is true that both men and women tend to cheat, statistics show that more men, as compared to women, have confessed to having post marital affairs. Women, being extremely sensitive and emotionally vulnerable, get traumatised when men cheat them. They often think of the reason behind this behaviour of men. So, here are the 20 top reasons why men cheat:
1. Due to lack of majority:
Psychologist Dr Tequilla Hill Hales believes that males, in general tend to have n number of reasons to justify why they had extramarital affairs. She said “I have noticed, from my clinical experience, is that most men, who cheat their wives, have emotional immaturity.” For them, investing time, energy and commitment in their marital issues to solve them is often not a priority. They instead choose to do things that are harmful both to them and their family. The repercussions that come post cheating are often not given much thought. For men who are contemplating cheating, you should think hard whether your affair is worth losing your loved ones over it.
2. When they are made to feel very inadequate:
Sex therapist Danielle Adinolfi believes that both men and women indulge in extramarital affairs and cheating when they feel very inadequate of themselves. When spouses and made to feel that they are inferior again and again and are not given priority, they tend to find people who value them and give them priority. To sub it up, they look for someone to fill the void created by their spouse.
3. Simply because they choose to:
Counselor Dr Lavanda E. Evans believes that nothing actually ‘makes’ or forces men to cheat, they do so because they simply want to they simply choose to. Cheating, like all other things, is never a necessity but always a choice, whether he will cheat or not cheat.
4. Due to selfishness:
Pastoral counsellor Sean Sears is of the opinion that there are, on the surface, numerous reasons why men cheat such as feeling desired, grass is greener, thrill of conquest, discontentment, feeling trapped etc. But the main underlying reason behind all these and many other reasons is selfishness. The kind of selfishness that triumphs integrity of character, selflessness and commitment.
5. Because of lack of appreciation:
Clinical social worker Robert Taibbi firmly believes that the underlying theme behind men cheating is the lack of appreciation and attention. Most men believe that they work really hard for their family, internalise and suppress their feelings, feel that they do a lot for their family but do not get enough appreciation from their family in return. An extramarital affair provides them a novelty factor, the opportunity to receive approval, admiration, new found attention, and a new perspective about themselves.
6. Men desire adventure:
Counselor Eva Sadowski believes that men men cheat to fulfil their desire for thrill and adventure, excitement seeking and risk- taking. They seek the affair as a way to escape the routine and blandness of everyday life, the life torn between commute, work, boring weekends with family, in front of the computer or TV set. They think of it as a way out of duties, responsibilities, and specific roles they have been forcefully given.
7. Due to various reasons:
Psychologist David O. Saenz believes that there are a variety of reasons why men cheat. They include- Boredom, variety, having no idea why they’re doing it, thrill of danger or hunt of an affair, no moral code at all for marriage, inner need/ drive for attention which exceeds normalcy, lack of admiration for and from their partner.
8. Due to darkness in their hearts:
Counselor Eric Gomez believe that one of the very common reasons why men cheat on their wives/ partners is due to the darkness contained in their hearts. Factors like pride, lust, enticement of an affair, frustrations with their lives or partners make them very susceptible to being unfaithful.
9. When their partners are unavailable:
Psychologist Julie Bindeman firmly believes that men or women tend to cheat when their partners are physically, and emotionally, unavailable to them. When they fail to get the love and support of their partners when they need it the most, they tend to fill that void with someone who cares for them and is available for them.
10. Due to lack of intimacy:
Marriage and family therapist Jake Myres says that lack of intimacy in marriage results in cheating. Though intimacy can be somewhat of a challenge, but if a man feels that he is not fully seen in his personal relationship or not communicating in wants and needs, it makes him feel lonely, empty, unappreciated and angry. In such a case, he seeks someone else to fulfil these needs outside the relationship. He believes he will get what he needs and wants from that person instead of his partner.
11. For ego inflation:
Marriage and family therapist K’Hara McKinney believes that men also cheat for ego inflation. They feel good when others consider them attractive and desirable, even those outside their marriage. It makes them feel alluring and powerful, even when they cheat their partner.
12. When men feel their woman is unhappy:
Relationship expert Terra Bruns firmly believes that men like and work hard to make their woman, the love of their life, happy and when they feel that they are not succeeding in their quest to make their woman happy and she is unhappy, they try to find another woman whom they can satisfy and make happy, and thus cheat. Though it is wrong, it is very true.
13. When an emotional element is missing:
Counsellor Ken Burns says that in his experience, men, or women for that matter of fact, cheat when something is missing in their relationship. An Integral emotional element that a person needs in his relationship is not being met. Commonly it is from within a relationship, or it is something missing from within a person. They accept it welcomingly when someone comes along who fills that void, the thing missing in the relationship.
14. When they can’t connect with themselves:
Counselor Mark Glower in of the opinion that men cheat when they are unable to emotionally connect with their inner, wounded child who is desperately searching be be pampered and nurtured and affirmed that they are deserving of being loved only due to their preciousness and self worth. Since they continuously struggle with this unattainable concept of worthiness and keep on chasing this utopian goal and in the process, keep moving from one person to the other. The same concept applies to women too.
15. When their needs are not met:
Psychotherapist Trish Pauls is of the opinion that there is not universal reason which applies to all the people who cheat. Every person is unique and faces different circumstances. When people feel very emotionally disconnected from their partner and have no idea how they can get their needs met in a very healthy manner, so look for other ways and people to fulfil their needs which causes problems in marriage such as an extramarital affair.
16. Men miss being admired, adored and desired:
Psychotherapist Katherine Mazza believes that men cheat due to the fact that they lack the feeling which drew them into their long term relationship in the first place. The feeling of being admired, loved, desired and adored is the romantic cocktail that now feels very intoxicating. After 6- 18 months, it is not at all uncommon for the man to ‘fall of his utopian pedestal’ as reality sets in, and life’s daily challenges assume priority. Not only men but women too miss this intense but short phase in their relationship. This feeling, which plays upon attachment deprivation and self esteem, results in all self- doubt and insecurity. It them becomes impossible for the other partner to replicate this insatiable desire. Along come another person, a stranger, who immediately activates this feeling. High level of temptation hits hard, especially when one does not feel being elevated regularly by his partner.
17. Men constantly seek novelty:
Psychoanalyst Gerald Schoenewolf say that recent research points out to the fact that both men and women cheat to almost about the same degree. The most common reason why men cheat is to constantly seek novelty, due to the fear of intimacy. The most common reason why women cheat is due to frustrations in their intimate relationship. These can help women figure out why men cheat and get some insight about male psyche and find ways to prevent them from cheating and save their relationship.
18. Modern romantic ideal causes infidelity:
Psychotherapist Marcie Scranton says that our modern focus on romantic ideal acts like a setup for infidelity. When a relationship loses its initial luster, it is very common to really long for that same passion and thrill, and the kind of ideal connection that was present when the relationship began. Those who, on the other hand, understand and trust the natural evolution of love that takes place in true relationships will very rarely find the temptation to cheat.
19. Due to intimacy disorder:
Pastoral counsellor Greg Griffin believes that regardless of the fact whether they cheat in person or online, men cheat because they have an intimacy disorder. It is likely that they do not know how to ask their partner for intimacy, or even if they ask, they don’t know of a manner of doing it that connects with the woman as well. In such a case, the man looks for a substitute to fulfil his desires and needs for intimacy.
20. To get their ego stroked:
Family therapist Ada Gonzalez is of the opinion that one of the most common reasons why men cheat is personal insecurity that results in them having a dire to to get their ego stroked. They think of the affair as a ‘conquest’, gives gives them a feeling of superiority. But since it finds it basis on external validation, the moment he gets complains from the new conquest, he again get doubts, this time with vengeance, and he again finds the need to look for a brand new conquest. In the exterior, he may look arrogant and secure, it’s insecurity which actually drives it from within.